Obsession
by Childish Sadism
Summary: Don't be sad no more, I can fix things. I can fix us. I can do it all alone, I just need a little push and little pain. Rin/Haruka.


Yeah so, I'm a sadist and Haru is just too cute

Warnings: My grammar, abuse, angst? idk...mentions of sex. Obsessions are bad, stop it.

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_It's all fun and games, until someone gets **hurt**_

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Life could be so simple. Yeah, it could. As simple as water, you can see right through it and move in the direction you want to follow. All you have to do is move forward, fight back against the current and push your way through it.

Life was like swimming. At some point you follow a pattern, but you keep struggling, you struggle until you reach the finishing line and you are happy. You are so happy, because you accomplished what you wanted. You celebrate, you take your prize home and you enjoy it through your whole life.

That is...if the water is not tainted.

Haruka's life was simple, it had to be simple. That's how he wanted it to be. All he wanted was to lose himself in the never ending depths of the water, be one with it and let it embrace him until he drew out his last breath. Yes, that sounded perfect. But something had tainted his water, something that wouldn't let it wash clean. No matter how much he tried to push forward and no matter how much he tried to swim away from it...the red pool of water would always reach him.

He never meant to do anything bad. All he wanted was to keep swimming, it was what he loved. He loved it so much. So why, why was it that his conscious wouldn't let him be at peace. No matter where he looked, no matter what type of water it was, the color was red. But he couldn't stay away, he was never going to be able to stay away from it.

It was a reminder.

Hey, have you ever hurt anyone in your life? Have you ever hurt anyone that you truly liked? Haruka knew that he had, worst of all he never hurt anyone before that. He wasn't a bad person, he didn't like hurting people. He hated it. All that he ever wanted was to keep swimming but someone showed him another way of doing it. A way that Haruka didn't know was going to hurt him so much.

Rin, he was so stubborn. He enjoyed competition. He wanted to win and to be the best. He had goals in life and he wanted to accomplish them. He wanted to reach them so badly. Haruka? He, he just loved swimming, that was all. He loved the water. It was all just something he loved. But Rin, he worked so hard, he struggled so much. So why? Why was he able to beat him. How could he beat him?

He hurt him. Haruka couldn't remember ever hurting anyone before. That day Rin looked different. The smile was gone, the glee in his eyes disappeared and all that Haruka was able to see was disappointment. The goals Rin was setting up for himself, the happiness and future he wanted to build...it all shattered that night. Rin cried, he cried and walked away. Haruka never saw him again, until now.

It hurt Haruka, why? Rin should have been the same. He should have shrugged it off and talked about how he was going to get better to beat him again, but not this time. This time it had been too much for him.

Rin stopped smiling for him and Haruka stopped swimming against other people.

Competition is tough, you hurt a lot of people. You achieve your happiness but step on so many dreams and you don't notice it, because all that matters is what you want, what makes you happy. But Haruka wasn't competitive, so he gained no happiness from beating Rin. Only sadness.

Rin was back and the smile was still gone. He beat him but Haruka knew, he knew that Rin was aware that he didn't try. That all he wanted was to see Rin swim, and to show him how amazing it was to swim next to someone else again. Rin was happy at first, until he realized the truth, and the smile was gone again.

Haruka reached bliss once more and Rin sank deeper into the mud.

He did it again.

He hurt him again.

He wanted it to stop.

Stop. Stop me from hurting people.

He was guilty. He couldn't carry the guilt, not again, not again. He kept thinking about Rin, those eyes. How sad they looked and the mere memory is enough to drive him insane.

Haruka loved Rin. It had been like this since they were little. He knew Rin felt the same way, but there was a gap in between them, an earthquake of emotions that kept them apart. It was the stupid competition. It was the fact that Haruka was better than Rin.

Rin came back to see him, twice before. Once when they were little and another time after he was alone. It was a week after Rin beat him. The red head came to his house, looking as gloomy as ever. He was pissed, he disappointed and he was fed up with him.

Haruka didn't say anything. He let him in and sat on his table, watching as Rin walked back and forth, yelling. Screaming out his feelings.

"_It isn't fair! I work so hard. I trained so hard! It isn't fair!"_

Rin kept going, not stopping once. Telling him about what happened in Australia, how everyone there wasn't as nice as people thought they were. It went on for along time and Rin, Rin was tired. He was so tired and frustrated. What if he was just no good? What if after all the training he did...he just couldn't beat someone that was born to be in the water.

Haruka was nervous then. He wasn't sure of what to do, or what to say. He could tell him to try harder, he could reassure him that he was good but...was it going to make a difference? His lack of response just seem to anger the other even further and soon enough Rin was yelling in his face, talking non-stop and Haruka kept staring.

He did something then, he leaned in and kissed Rin. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, he just wanted Rin to stop hurting. He wanted to stop his pain. The red head kissed him back, no, he devoured his mouth. Everything moved so fast and Haruka had no time to react, or maybe he just didn't want to. He wanted Rin to do whatever he wished, he wanted him to feel better.

Just stop being sad, was all that Haruka could think of as Rin pushed him against the floor.

Haruka did well, he responded well. Rin looked out of it and for once he wasn't talking about swimming, he wasn't talking about his defeat or his pain. He was just moving against his body, grinding against him and soon enough fucking him. It went on for the whole night. Haruka was sure he was going to pass out at some point but he forced to keep himself awake. He needed to be awake for this. Rin didn't look sad or upset, he wanted to stare at him forever, as long as he wasn't sad. He could deal with this.

It wasn't enough.

Rin only forgot about the pain for that night.

He only forgot about it when he was fucking him, but after that it was like he was waking up from a dream and the light in those eyes was gone again.

Haruka wanted that light to keep going.

Hey, Rin, you need to be happy again. I need you.

...Haruka had an idea. Swimming made him happy, he loved it so much but he also loved Rin. Even if he stopped competing, even if he stopped being in any swimming club, it was not going to be enough. It was never going to be enough. Not as long as there was a chance of him being better than Rin, Rin was never going to forgive him.

That's why he was on the school roof, staring at the blue sky. He knew what he wanted to do and he moved closer to the edge, but he didn't want to die. He wanted to keep living, he wanted to see Rin and his friends every day, no matter what.

Haruka could see the pool that they fixed down below and he felt his heart beating non-stop. It had to be done, he could do this. It was okay. It was the only way. Sacrificing ones happiness for the person you love...that's normal. That's sincere, and he just couldn't live with the guilt anymore. He didn't want to cause anyone pain.

He felt himself falling, and the blue sky looked just like water. He was falling deep into a pool and soon his body was going to stop sinking and it was going to start floating...except that didn't happen. Haruka felt a sharp pain on his back and then his mind went dark.

The doctors said that it was a miracle that he was alive, but Haruka knew it wasn't. He knew exactly what he was doing, because the news that came next was also not a surprise...his spinal cord was damaged and he couldn't feel his legs anymore.

He touched his thighs and his legs but he couldn't feel anything. The skin felt the same, his legs looked the same, but he couldn't will them to move. He cried, he cried a lot. He could remember crying for hours non-stop. But it was fine, right? He did it because it had to be done. He had to be the one to do it.

Makoto and Nagisa came to visit him, but they couldn't hold back their emotions either. They were confused, sad and felt bad for not being able to help. But Haruka told them it was fine, everything was fine. Everything had gone according to plan.

Rin was the last one to visit him at the end of the week. He looked scared and angry. He was just as angry as Mokoto and Nagisa, but Haruka knew better. He could see it in Rin's eyes, he could see a bit of happiness that came with this. It was like he was free once again, like he had no reason to be afraid anymore. Everything was going to be okay because now Haruka was not dragging him down, he wasn't sinking him into the mud anymore. He could crawl out, he could, he could, all on his own he could.

Haruka knew Rin was fighting off a smile, he could see it. The hidden glee in his eyes and that relief. All of it, he could see it and he was happy. Haruka was happy for Rin and he felt himself smiling. He knew Rin was free now. It was even more evident when Rin leaned in and kissed him, for the first time it was Rin that fought against the walls in between them. He was he one showing that he loved him and Haruka was happy with that. He was.

Rin could swim for the two of them, he could swim and be the best. If so, why was he still crying, even as he was being kissed.

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Reviews amuse me.


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